Spring Fantasy: When Keeping it Real Goes Just Fine

With Spring Training just around the corner, the daylight lingers a bit longer these days amidst murmurings of fantasy baseball draft parties and strange new sabermetric leagues to join.

Fantasy baseball teams outnumber human beings, three to one. That means there are 21 billion fantasy baseball teams out there in cyberspace. You may wonder, "where'd you get that info?" and I'd hesitate to respond, for fear of being caught in a big fat lie. But then I'd muster up the strength to scream out such a specious statistic even louder, so as to appear supremely confident in my self-appointed position as Sole Possessor of the Truth. And you'd probably leave the room.

Then I win.

At least in this hypothetically twisted solipsistic worldview, I do. For nothing exists, at least not for certain, outside my own mind. Not even you, gentle reader.

Reality, then, is just a fantasy, conjured up by my own mind, which makes all fantasy just as real as anything else. Except for my own mind, of course, which is at the center of its own universe, and therefore the realest thing I can think of.

Fantasy baseball, it follows, is just as real as real baseball. Fantasy baseball is not to be taken too lightly. The drafting of each player lucky enough to get a spot on your coveted roster is a most ethical undertaking. This is not to say it is a dead serious practice bereft of joy and humor. But don't kid yourself for one second that there aren't uncomfortable undertones of indentured servitude lurking beneath every auction draft. Or manifestations of your darkest wish-fulfillment fantasies of being a major league owner, an ass-hole belonging to the 1%.

The question, then, is what kind of owner do you wanna be? What kind of players do you want to have on your team? What criteria will you use to evaluate each player, each human being, you seek to subject to a year's worth of statistical scrutiny?

Just remember: winning isn't everything.

Despite the sabermetrical, historical, and otherwise sensible reasons for drafting the most "productive elements" for your fantasy baseball team, I'd like to propose an alternative approach, one which is less predictable and boring, and has proven to be more gratifying, less de-humanizing, and equally successful as traditional methods. Wonderfully subjective, if not entirely solipsistic, this individualized approach will be sure to either break your heart or to bring home the bacon. Either way, you'll be keeping it real as a real fan of fantasy. And reality.

Here are three general guidelines for beginners:

• Watch some baseball games

It might seem hopelessly simplistic, but it needs to be mentioned. Whether you go to the ballpark, watch the game on the boob tube, or browse condensed games on the computer, a bit of participant observation goes a long way toward gaining an appreciation of each player's craft and style and personality. Ever seen Carlos Gonzalez glide and dive through the expansive outfield in Denver? Or witnessed Adrian Beltre hit mammoth homers from down on his back knee? Do you remember the balls-out play of folk hero Sam Fuld last year? Or the jubilant Jose Reyes inventing handshakes and dance moves in the Mets' dugout, ca.2007?

• Get to know who the players are as "real fantasy people"

I'm not talking about befriending these multimillionaires, but brushing up on some basic biographical information gives you a better idea of who these guys are in real life. Then again, I've never written any fan mail or dared inviting Chone Figgins out for tamales, so guess you could try that too. Reading the interviews they give, scouring the internet in search of political allegiances, personal beliefs, or religious affiliation (if you're so inclined) can be both illuminating and disillusioning; but keep in mind, most of these dudes are under-educated, affluent, all-too-human jocks.

• Set the bar high, set some limits

At the same time, having high standards for your team -- less in the sense of performance and more in the sense of personality -- helps create a deeper emotional bond to each of your players, while also contributing to the composition of your team as a work of art-in-progress. The fantasy baseball manager who wishes to see his/her own philosophies and principles and preferred playing styles best exemplified in his/her roster is making an effort to personalize the entire fantasy baseball experience to a degree that re-humanizes the depoliticized sphere of contemporary MLB, while making rooting for specific players an affirmative practice.

It's common knowledge that reprehensible players outnumber draft-worthy players, three to one (another stat that you need not question). The list of loathsome losers is an ever-expanding one and it changes every year. The difficulty in finding the diamonds in the rough (or the rough ones on the diamond?) should not be underestimated. From the limited number of likeable players there are then those who cannot even be considered fantasy-relevant. Omar Vizquel comes to mind. So the pool of cool players, who are also quality fantasy performers, who are also philosophically worthy of occupying a spot on one's fantasy roster, are limited indeed.

Resisting the temptations of the dark side, the quick and easy path, full of Diamondbacks and Yankees and Rangers, polluted by racists, fascists, and evangelical xians, will inevitably make things more difficult for me personally, as both a fan and a fantasy baseball G.M.

But resistance is not futile.

Resistance to the rising tide of conformity, in fantasy as in real life, takes a crazy kind of resolve and semi-solipsistic indifference to the pressured opinions of self-proclaimed "expert authorities" who insist on commodifying the language of the game and transforming players back into commodities, harkening back to the gray days of the dreaded reserve clause. Or who insist on destroying paradoxes.

In fantasy baseball, you can't always get what you need, but if you try sometimes you just might find, you get what you want.

Resist falling for the clichés and pompous prognostications from major media outlets and instead try and decide yourself on which players you want to see on your roster. Following your fantasy team then truly becomes fantastic, as it ceases to be a dehumanized machine engineered for winning a fistful of dollars, and instead becomes a carefully-crafted collective of desirable players you actually enjoy rooting for. A realistic fantasy for the idealistic fan. Keeping it real while realizing it's just a fantasy, your fantasy, and not the real thing.