Ubaldo's No-No

Hearing the ump call 'Ball One', our manager races out of the dugout - absolutely livid - as the high heater seemed to have grazed his batter in the helmet. It's early in the game, otherwise he'd be kicking some dirt and throwing shit. So after a smattering of saliva and swear words, we're ready for the 1-0 pitch with our lead-off man wandering off of third...

the radio broadcast:
1st inning:

"Well, the wind may play a factor in this one tonight. It has been swirling around the ballpark here in Atlanta...other than that, should be a good night for baseball..."

Cargo with a lead-off double, Fowler moves him over to third, Helton walks, Tulo sac fly. 1-0.

2nd inning:

-Steely Dan's "Reeling in the Years" segues into a commercial break, and "Touch of Grey" by the Dead brings us back to the action

-Jack Corrigan tells some bizarre story about doing a college football game in Japan, which was suddenly moved to a baseball field where broadcasters sat in small "port-o-potties" to announce the game

-continuing on the Asian theme, Jerry Schemmel notes how China broadcasts all Houston Rockets games across the entire country, in honor of Glorious Super Excellent Giant Hero Faithful Patriot, Yao Ming.

-then on to how international the sport of baseball has become, with 28% of players on opening day rosters this year born outside the U.S. - "you wonder how long it will be before some of the European players join [the mlb]"

-segue music: "Baseball is Turning Japanese" - tr.16 on the 2008 Los Olvidados Fantasy Baseball Soundtrack

3rd inning:

"The appeal...the umpire says no, he did not go around"..."Ubaldo's been just wild enough that he hasn't gotten the borderline call, because he doesn't deserve the borderline call; he's just been everywhere with his pitches"...."Here's the 3-2 delivery, swung on and missed, strike three! Challenged him that time with that fastball, 97mph. And there are two outs. Boy, just looks like he can still throw strikes. It's gonna be tough to hit him tonight, again..."

"Not that he's been digging at the mound or whatever, but like Jason Hammel last night, it seems like Ubaldo's delivery is not as fluid tonight and you don't know if it's something he's doing, or if the mound is impacting on that..." "You know Jack, I'm with you completely...I think you're right, he seems to have something that's causing him to labor so far." "But, you look up, he hasn't given up a hit yet..."

"It's cold enough that Kawakami now has a jacket on at second base"

- 2 on, 2 out, 2-0 count to Chipper Jones...

"Jimenez trying to settle down and find the strike zone...47 pitches now, 23 strikes and 24 balls...McCann waiting on deck...here's his pitch...that one missed, away, and...there's a throw to second base and OUT! Miguel Olivo! A shot to Tulowitzki and he picks off Kawakami at second base to retire the side. Boy, that's a friend of Jimenez right there: his catcher, Miguel Olivo"

4th inning:

"This place interesting, too, in that it started out as Centennial Olympic Stadium. And then they did a poll to see what the fans thought they should name the new baseball stadium, and of course the fans said we wanna name it Hank Aaron Stadium. But, no, it turned out to be Ted Turner Field. And some in Atlanta, we're told, not real happy about that"

With Hawpe running from first on a 3-2 count, Ian Stewart slices a single to left, splintering his bat, sending a shard into Kawakami's back.

"Hawpe and Stewart have singled, they're at second and first, two outs here in the 4th, a one-to-nothing Rockies lead. Ubaldo hits it up the middle! into centerfield for a basehit! McClouth up with the ball, coming to the plate...Hawpe...he will... SCORE!"

"Kawakami...from the stretch, the pitch - Carlos lines it towards left-center field! ...that's gonna go to the wall! It'll score a pair! Nearly a carbon-copy of his first inning double; a two-run blast from Carlos Gonzalez, it's 4-0 - Rockies"

...



"Ubaldo hasn't been close with any pitch...it's 3-0 to Chipper Jones...and way high again, ball four. Five walks, twelve men into the game." "Oh, and now they're gonna call a balk on Jimenez. Started to raise his body, then stopped"

"That breaking pitch has gone for more strikes than the fastball; he's able to control that one a bit better. 54 pitches and only 24 strikes, yet he's got a 4-0 lead"

"A walk, a balk, and a groundball out to give the Braves a scoring threat here in the 4th...1-2 pitch....SWWWUUUUUUEEEEENNG and a miss! he got 'em with a breaking ball; and that's out number two." "Maybe that's the strategy, Jack, you walk a player so you can get into the stretch and then you can throw 100mph." "Tell you what, he's had better command from the stretch tonight." "I know, I say it tongue-and-cheek, but actually he's been effective that way"

5th inning:

Comparing and contrasting three great left-handed hitters in recent memory:
Todd Helton, Wade Boggs, and George Brett

Double-play ends the top-half of the inning, "China Grove" by the Doobies segues into the break...

"The 2-0 to Heyward is...well, I'm not sure where that one was, but apparently not in the strike zone. 3-0. And that's ball four, not close. Walk number six." "You have to believe walks are gonna catch up to ya; you walk 6 guys in five innings, something bad is gonna happen..."

"Strike one. And here we go, we get in the stretch again and the strikes start coming." "Yeah, almost like - 'just pitch out of the stretch, Ubaldo'". "Of the six walks, three of 'em were on four straight balls"

"Hit to deep center and the wind's gonna knock it down. That ball had the sound of being well hit, but the wind said no-no" [Ha!!!]

"Another strike. I've gotta ask Ubaldo about this tomorrow; it's unbelievable, the difference in his command from the stretch tonight." "3-2 to McClouth ... SWWWWUUUUUEEEENG and a miss he got 'em!"

6th inning:

- commercial break: "You just heard the bottom of the fifth. If you're at the bottom of your fifth, you need to get to Applejack Wine and Spirits...Minutes from anywhere, just off I-70"

"And we'll see the Major League debut of lefty Johnny Venters...he was a 30th rd. pick in the 2003 draft of the Atlanta Braves...finally making his debut and he'll face Ian Stewart."

"No runs...and I'll say it, no hits, so far for the Braves." "Hah. You're new school, I'm old school."

...

Sugarhill Gang's "Rapper's Delight" leads us into the bottom of the sixth...

"How about this: in the stretch is Jimenez now, Jack, and it's strike one." "Well we've been talking about it...you get yourself in trouble from the windup." "From the Rockies perspective, they'd love Ubaldo to have a quick sixth and possibly seventh and turn it over to the bullpen." "And that is...a called strike three!" "And that gives him one more strike than balls, out of 87 total pitches."

"It's gonna be a 1-2-3 inning for Jimenez as we head to the top of the 7th inning"

7th inning:

Cargo strikes out on three pitches. Fowler hits the ball hard, again, and McClouth runs it down with help from the wind. Dex suffers another 0-fer. Helton follows with a "seeing-eye grounder" for a hit. Tulo grounds out, first pitch swinging once again.

Seventh inning stretch...4-0 Rockies

"He's gonna pitch again from the stretch...[cut in broadcast! two fucking commercials interrupt the game -- mlb must've stolen this call to post on their website -- and we're back with...] ... that was remarkable!"

"Dexter Fowler was maybe a step or so to the right side of secondbase in centerfield, he just outran this baseball, dove and made the catch. His batting gloves fell out of his pockets and all Ubaldo could do was go 'wow!'" "What a catch by Dexter Fowler!...an amazing catch, cuz number one to go spread out like that and also to turn the glove, so as not to lose the ball." "Dex might be as good as there is in centerfield in major league baseball and here's the pitch, there's a liner to center, Dexter Fowler coming on...on the run...MAKES the catch!...at his knees! ANother great running catch -- not quite as spectacular as the last one -- but Fowler gets out number two with that great catch."

"Since he moved into the stretch...Ubaldoo's retired 8 in a row." "Here's the pitch...STRIKE THREE CALLED ON HEYWARD!"

8th inning:

"One out in the Rockies' 8th. Ubaldo Jimenez has thrown 105 pitches, so he will come out for the 8th inning..."

Jack: "The game has featured an RBI single from Ubaldo, the wind taking a couple potential home-runs away from the Rockies, a spectacular catch from centerfielder Dexter Fowler to keep the 'you-know-what' going -- I'm old-school folks, I'm not gonna do it -- I keep tellin' you again and you can read between the lines or ask somebody what I mean when I say there have been six baserunners for the Braves, but they have gotten on-base by walks."

...

"Ubaldo Jimenez has allowed just six walks in the game...Cabrera swings and rolls it to first...out number one on one pitch!"

Fan question: Who is the youngest ROY in the history of the game:
NL - 1984, Doc Gooden - age 19
AL - 1978, Lou Whitaker - age 21

"Strike two called on pinch-hitter Hinske...[crowd boos loudly]...the pitch, SWUUUEEENG and he got 'em! Out number two in the 8th inning. Strikeout number seven for Ubaldo Jimenez. 110 pitches on the night for Ubaldo...To the best of my recollection, Ubaldo's career high in pitches is 127...129 from a year ago."

"The 1-2 pitch, popped up...in foul ground on the right side, and...OLIVO's GOT IT! And we'll go to the ninth! Three outs, four to go [sic] for Ubaldo Jimenez!! The Rockies lead it, 4-0!"

9th inning:

"New pitcher for the Braves is Jesse Chavez...and leading off, most appropriately, Ubaldo Jimenez - who has an RBI single in three tries tonight and a run scored." "Maybe the Skipper said, 'just go out there and make an out and come back'"..."Swing and a miss, he got him."

"Well, the fans here in Atlanta - they know what is going on - it has gotten quiet in this ballpark. Dexter Fowler, 0-4, lined out his last time up, drives this to center field...McClouth going back, and he will grab it. We head to the bottom of the ninth! Rockies- 4, Braves- nothing"

...

"4-0 Rockies, bottom of the ninth, Martin Prado will lead it off. Ubaldo Jimenez has allowed six walks on the night to Atlanta - that's it...first pitch a breaking ball for strike one to Prado. Chipper Jones on deck, Brian McCann to follow. Prado the hottest of the Braves' hitters...The 1-1 pitch...breaking ballllllllll....low, two balls and a strike. 32,602 here wondering if they're gonna see something special. The 2-1 pitch...in the air, on the infield...Clint Barmes calls off Todd Helton. That's out number 25!

"Here's Chipper Jones...outfield straight away and deep for Jones. Last baserunner was a lead-off walk to Heyward in the 5th...The 2-0 to Jones, GOOOOD rip at a fastball and he FOULED it back to the screen. Two balls and a strike. Jimenez takes a deep breath as he again puts that glove on his left knee to lean in for the sign from Miguel Olivo. Now he straightens, working from the stretch, the pitch...in the air towards leftfield, Carlos Gonzalez calls it. That's out number 26!

"Two outs in the Braves' ninth! Brian McCann, the man that stands between Ubaldo Jimenez and history. The Braves fans here come to their feet; in part in recognition for Brian McCann, in part in recognition for Ubaldo Jimenez. First pitch to McCann a breaking ball for strike one! April 5, 1993 the first game in Rockies history. The pitch to McCann, fouled away, strike two! On April 17, 2010 - Ubaldo Jimenez perhaps one pitch away from history! McCann asks for time; rubs the sweat off the top of his forehead. Jimenez patiently waits for him to come back into the batter's box...The 0-2 pitch, fouled away to the left. 125 pitches on the night, in a sometimes erratic but brilliant performance by Ubaldo Jimenez...Now he sets...another 0-2, fouled farther down the left side. Ubaldo taking a slow walk around the mound, holds his arms above his head for a moment. Now he's ready. Another 0-2, bounced it to home-plate [foul]. His heartbeat I'm sure -- as calm as this young man is -- has to be going a little hard right now. Shakes off two, now he's ready, the 1-2 pitch...BOUNCING BALL TOWARDS SECOND, BARMES HAS IT, TO FIRST....IT'S A NO-HITTER!!!!!!!!!!!! FOR THE FIRST TIME IN ROCKIES HISTORY! UBALDO JIMENEZ HAS NO-HIT THE ATLANTA BRAVES! WHAT A NIGHT FOR UBALDO JIMENEZ! MOBBED BY HIS TEAMMATES...ALL THE GUYS FROM THE BULLPEN, RACING IN!

"Jim Tracy made him the ace of the staff in spring training, and on an April night in Atlanta, Georgia on his 128th pitch, Ubaldo Jimenez is into the record books. The first no-hitter in Rockies history! That's why I talked about April 5, 1993 - that's when it began - and tonight, their most spectacular pitching performance!! The final score -- on a no-hit night for Ubaldo Jimenez -- the Rockies- 4, Braves- nothing."



From the stretch, the southpaw  shakes off a series of signs...grinding his teeth he...steps off the rubber. The crowd is already getting restless...

Week One, Baseball is Alive With Pleasure!!

Still Top of the first, no one out and with the leadoff batter on third base the manager starts to feel the urge to run to the telephone if only to hear a friendly voice. The second batter approaches the plate, taps his cleats once, takes two easy swings and sets his feet. He then does a slow follow through with the bat stopping when the bat is pointed firmly at the pitcher. The pitcher stares blankly into the catcher, acknowledging the sign with a faint twitch of his cheek and then places his foot on the rubber......

And now for my foray into the baseball bloggers quagmire.

The End of Week one.

Sheesh... the excitement of MLB week one can only be truly matched by the ultimate frustration of watching Mr. Ortiz go 2-14.


Though I would like to vouch for the gastrointestinal health of N. Swisher Esq. I will have to digress and move to some ramblings on this great game of ours in the full swing of or new and expanded league system.

Some of the many meanings and beauties of this game are these:
that it matches mind over matter, it shows you that youth does not always triumph over age and wisdom, and that the spectacle of the moment can be made insignificant by the collective moments of a grand time continuum.

Take what I think is one of sports most intense competitions, the pitcher/batter duel. Most people see a mindless combination of chance that sometimes leads to bat on ball action but the reality of the Cat and Mouse strategy is magnified by the fact that Cat can become mouse in the space of 1/3 of an inning. Pitch selection and placement meets the whimsy and discipline of the batter and the outcome always seems uncertain until it happens.

The journeyman batter or pitcher is often at the advantage of his more youthful comrades and can still make them look like the children they are. Skills honed over time have great value in baseball.

Though Comm. Selig would have you believe that opening night is like some sort of adolescent Super Bowl the players knew better and made you see that the greatest show on earth Neil Diamond does not make ( My apologies to sweet ass Caroline where ever you are baby). The painful performances of opening week will ultimately fade in comparison to the marathon that is yet to come.

To me all this does not even begin to cover the grace of the very game itself that appears when the teams hit the field. Just watching Ichiro swing a bat can be a Zen like experience in itself

Why is baseball not as popular now compared to some other American sports? Who Knows!??! No! It is because all these things are not evident under quick passing examination. Baseball is not to be understood by simply being watched, it only becomes truly great when it is actively "followed"

The pitcher rears back, kicks his leg and lets loose the pitch, his arm snapping forward. The batters arms start to move back, his left leg shifts, his eyes follow the ball. Suddenly his legs collapse as he twists his shoulders over while the high fastball hits the brim of his helmet, knocking the helmet free but thankfully not his cheekbone. Ball One.........

Kroh and Phased Groupings Play Voltage on Opening Night

Top of the 1st. Nobody on, nobody out. The opening pitch has been thrown. It's a slow bender from a southpaw, looping in around the knees on a right-handed hitter. He stands crouched over at the waist like Pete Rose, keeping his weight back, waiting, recoiling, concentrating...

Of all the various examples of baseball as a cultural practice on our planet, most of us have experience and knowledge with little more than the major leagues. Little league games, for example, are a blast -- both as a kid and as a coach -- with all of the excitement and 10 times the humor of professional ball. And nothing beats playing in a summer baseball/softball league; whether it's drinking beers, havin' a smoke and a laugh with some friends or extending yourself athletically. And the best new tournament in transnational sports -- The World Baseball Classic -- is a window into wonderfully different ways of playing and appreciating the game.

It's opening day (night, actually) in the mlb, prefabricated to be a Yankees/Red-Sox matchup. The Bronx Dynasty came out aggressive, with Jeter grounding out on the first pitch of the season. Ellsbury led off with an equally anxious lineout to center on Sabathia's first offering. Beckett buckled in the 2nd -- back-to-back solo homers by an increasingly oldschool-looking Posada, smothered in pinetar (George Brettian graffitti, coloring both his helmet and the ash Lousville Slugger weilded in his characteristic loosefingred, barehanded grip) and by Curtis "Mayfielder" Granderson -- looking out of place in that Bronx business suit, his smoothnfluid swing sends a low fastball deeeeep into the centerfield bleachers.

Learning to appreciate all of the multifarious ways in which a baseball game can be enjoyed, is a lot like learning how to play a good game of chess.

The bizarre right hand of Youkilis is in perfect sync with all orthodox elements of the Hebrew Hammerstrike. He clobbers a double. Moments later, trots home on a sac fly ... Beckett slings one high-and-tight on Jeter, sending the captain pirouetting twenty feet back out of the box like a ballerina. After a primadonna pause allows the shortstop to smirk just long enough at the game so as to question its grit, he smacks a worm-burner by Scutaro, for an acerbic RBI single ... Pedroia beats out Teixiera's nifty infield play by diving headfirst into the bag, but the callous ump calls him out.

Umpires and Empires are obsessed with administering control, maintaining order, and executing discipline. Profit-minded, closed-minded and efficient creatures, their accomplices go by names like Sports Psychologist, General Manager, and Agent. It is in their interest to control and constrain baseball discourse and practices, ultimately for power and profit.

Sabathia looks strong and smooth ... Double-steal with the speedy Gardner at third catches the Beantowners with their pants down ... The old numbercards under the green monster flip to 5-1 for the visitors and Beckett hits the showers ... But the Boston bats come to life in the 6th: Pedroia walks, longtime Yankee-killer Victor Martinez doubles, Youk shoots one to opposite field for a 2-run triple. CC Rider now riding the pine in time to see the Sox tie it at 5.

Striving for power and profit defines the capitalist project; objectifying, essentializing, commodifying all cultures and forms of life into the predictable, predetermined discourse of the marketplace.

Some dude slithers out on the diamond during the stretch. A lovely looking woman at his side, he grabs a mic instead and performs a putrid patriot act. Suddenly, Carlos Delgado's missing presence is felt more than ever ...

... Pedroia the wee strongman wallops one over the monster. 7-7 in the 7th. Youk clobbers a double, again; sprints home, again. All part of the script? ...

... Sleazy Neil Diamond saunters up the firstbase line with an unworn hometeam cap and a worndown voice to sing his song on schedule. How much - if any - of this shit are fans expected to endure?

The pre-written narratives -- unchanging and mind-numbingly predictable -- spew forth from the shitbox as they have for generations. In baseball, it's the melodramatic backstories. The pompous tone and vapid, humorless rhetoric. The bombardment of images to combat uncomfortable cadences. The inability to reflect and a refusal to involve. Ted Williams refused to tip his hat to the pre-scripted "natural" ending, ending his career with a homer on his final at-bat and ducking quietly into the dugout to disappear from the public eye. Outta sight, outta mind. He left the fans with room for new memories of new endings.



Little Bigman once again blasts a basehit, this time toward the flatulent Nick Swisher who has no hope of throwing out lightning fast veteran Mike Cameron. The Sox can breathe a bit easier, up two runs ... Posada plays the part and plops a basehit, his third of the game, to give his team a chance. Yet, it's all for naught, as the Bo-Sox quickly close out the ninth with a 9-7 win, sending many a drunk New Englander home happy on a balmy Boston night.

New endings and new beginnings in the unwritten narratives-to-come. We gotta think outside the box, in new vocabularies, creating new concepts and meanings -- and experiment with living them out, putting these linguistic/cultural practices to use, embodying those very changes we hope to see. Still centered on the actualities, while striving for the potentialities.

The batter sits on the loopy curve, squares it up and bludgeons the soft offering past the hot corner - fair ball! He's got wheels, so he's digging for three right out of the box. Scampering after the ricochet, our leftfielder heaves the ball from the deepest corner of the park toward third base. Headfirst slide...the tag...he's SAFE!